(theme music playing)
(crowd cheering)
Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to "Last Week Tonight."
I'm John Oliver. Thank you for being with us.
Just time for a quick recap of this week.
And we begin-- we begin tonight in Yemen,
home to 26 million Yemeni people,
and 27 million American drones.
For years, Yemen has worked closely with the U.S. on counterterrorism issues.
Unfortunately, their government collapsed recently,
and this week, things got even worse.
Newscaster: The United States closing down its embassy in Yemen.
The State Department has evacuated dozens
of diplomatic officials from its compound in Sana'a,
while urging all Americans to leave that country immediately.
Yes, if you are an American diplomat in Yemen,
evacuate immediately,
and if you're an American tourist in Yemen,
what the fuck were you doing taking a vacation in Yemen?
Bad choice!
Uh, a rebel group called the Houthis
now appears to be in charge in Yemen.
So who are they, and can we work with them?
Frankly, when you speak to them, talk to them, they're actually quite polite and pleasant.
Oh, lovely! How lovely.
Rebels who are polite and pleasant.
You know, like Drake.
Uh, this... this all sounds like it's tremendous news.
Unless I interrupted you a little too early.
They're actually quite polite and pleasant.
Uh, but one of their slogans is "death to America."
Okay, then. Okay.
That is completely unacceptable, unless, of course,
they're referring to the '70s soft rock band America,
in which case I totally support them.
Oh, you've been through a desert on a horse with no name?
Did it ever occur to you it's your job to name the horse!
That's on you. Call it Cinnamon and ride back.
Now, you-- you might notice
he said, "one of their slogans."
And that's because the full slogan reads,
"God is great, death to America, death to Israel,
"curse the Jews, victory to Islam."
Which is horrifying, but still slightly less odious
than "I'm lovin' it."
Now, also, there is some potentially good news here.
Not only are the Houthis against Al-Qaeda,
they may actually be trying to moderate their tone.
I interviewed their leader here a couple days ago.
And he was very adamant about trying to have better relations with the U.S.
He even went so far as to pretty much repudiate their slogan
which, you know, includes "death to America,"
and say, "That's just a slogan, we don't mean it literally."
Oh, okay, then. Okay.
I guess at this point the phrase "death to America"
has lost all its meaning.
It's like, "We should really hang out sometime."
Or "I'm sorry" or "I love you."
They're just things to say, you know.
So moving on to other major news this week.
We saw the worldwide release of "Fifty Shades of Grey."
It's done-- it's done surprisingly well,
despite the fact that Jamie Dornan is not my Christian.
Hashtag, "NotmyChristian."
The-- the media...
the media has been very excited about this all week,
which makes sense, because who would not be excited
to watch scintillating dialogue such as this?
Man: That's impressive.
You a Girl Scout? (laughs)
Um, no, organized group activities aren't really my thing.
So what is your thing?
Um... I don't know. Books.
(crowd laughs)
My penis just yawned.
I-- I will say, I will say-- I will say...
I will say... (crowd cheers)
This movie has actually provided a fascinating glimpse
into the attitudes of various countries.
The UK gave it their equivalent of an NC-17 rating,
while Malaysia banned it from theaters,
calling it, "more pornography than movie."
Although, on the basis of that clip we saw,
it's actually more Home Depot commercial
than pornography.
However, there is one country that went...
in a different direction.
Here in the U.S., "Fifty Shades of Grey" is rated R.
Meaning that kids under 17 must be accompanied by an adult.
But the French are giving the green light
to kids as young as 12. Man: What?
Yes, France is allowing 12-year-olds to watch "Fifty Shades of Grey."
That is maybe the Frenchest thing imaginable,
other than a croissant sitting in a cafe eating a baguette.
Or maybe a mime feeding invisible cheese to his invisible mistress
with a visible erection.
So just... just... It's pretty French.
Just out of interest, for me,
what was the reasoning for such a rating?
Matt Lauer: A French official says "Fifty Shades,"
"isn't a film that can shock a lot of people."
And get this, the decision wasn't unanimous.
But that's only because some there
thought there shouldn't be any age restriction at all.
Wow! So the implication there
is that even 12-year-olds in France will find the movie tame.
(French accent) "Yes, it was an amusing, erotic trifle, I suppose.
"Ze love-making was passable, but, uh,
"belt play is a little pedestrian, don't you think?"
(crowd laughs) (speaks French)
Finally, finally, this week,
a little update on Ecuador.
You may remember last week we poked fun at their president, Rafael Correa,
who'd been calling out his Twitter and Facebook critics by name,
and encouraging supporters to attack them online.
Well, it turns out he saw what we did and was not thrilled.
And the reason I know this is, and this is true,
the president of Ecuador has been shit-talking me on Twitter all week long,
saying-- and this is true. (crowd cheering)
Among other things, he has said...
"These gringo talk shows are as unpleasant as a diuretic,"
and, "Do British comedians exist?
"Are you all sure about this?"
(stammering) And he's right.
"British comedian" is an oxymoron,
much like "jumbo shrimp"
or "Ecuadorean president who prioritizes his time wisely."
But it actually-- it actually gets worse.
Just yesterday, Correa gave his weekly televised address to the nation
and he was still annoyed about this.
(speaking Spanish)
Translator: With international backing, there is a funny campaign
that says that we are against humor,
because now they will show you some Twitters that we want to stop.
Imagine that. Me, against humor.
But my jokes are known worldwide.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me stop you there.
That's almost true, but it's not so much that your jokes are known worldwide
as that you are increasingly becoming known worldwide as a joke.
That's the-- that's the thing. That's the...
But, look, I'd stop this.
I would stop making fun of Correa's oversensitivity
were it not for the fact he has a history of stifling dissent in Ecuador.
He's clamped down on journalists in both ways large and small.
From suing a newspaper
that said he was acting like a dictator
to humiliating a young female reporter
who asked him a tough question,
calling her "a horrible fatty."
And "fatty" is one of the least presidential words imaginable.
It's right up there with "awesome sauce" and "finger blast."
You just, you don't want to hear that from a world leader.
There is one thing, however, I would like to correct from last week.
Uh, you may remember I showed a clip of this clown during Correa's speech.
Well, it turned out that was actually no random clown.
That was Tiko Tiko, a beloved children's entertainer.
Tiko Tiko was upset and called me "grotesque."
And when a clown calls you grotesque, it hurts.
So I will apologize to Tiko Tiko, and I'll tell you why,
because I do not want this man angry with me.
(music plays)
(crowd laughs)
That is what is playing in the background when a psychopath ties you up
in a basement and tortures you with dental instruments.
I am sorry, Tiko Tiko. Please don't make me saw my leg off to escape you.
And now, this.
Announcer: And now, "Last Week Tonight" asks,
how is this still a thing?
This week, the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue.
How is this still a thing?
"Sports Illustrated," the preferred magazine
of dads in the crapper since 1954,
highlighting great moments in sport,
from the Miracle on Ice to that one time Vince Lombardi got punched in the balls
by the Green Bay Packers.
And every February, "SI" releases its most popular annual issue
to a creepy chorus of approval.
Woman: All right, check it out.
Mike Jerrick, look at the screen. Man: Yes!
Announcer: Ew! Man: The swimsuit issue is coming out
next Tuesday on newsstands. It is a great, great magazine.
Announcer: Ew! And it's even worse
when the models are in the studio.
Will you be my valentine? I definitely want the chocolate,
but there's a little bit of a waiting list. Thank you so much.
Cortney, I love you, baby. Cortney is Darren's wife.
Expecting their first child any moment now.
Announcer: The swimsuit edition was created by editor André Laguerre in 1964
to boost sales between sports seasons.
And it was a perfect expression of the '60s,
a time of such rampant casual sexism
that it eventually gave birth to the sexual harassment in the workplace film.
Hey, if you two chicks wanna get knocked up,
John and I are glad to help you.
But as society moved on, the swimsuit issue not only hung around,
it became the magazine's key selling point.
You get basketball, football, tennis... And...
And... oh! And the famous swimsuit issue.
Narrator: ...revealing 1991 swimsuit issue and the free sneaker phone.
Narrator 2: The swimsuit issue. That's the icing on the cake.
Announcer: Ew! And the swimsuit issue is still moving copies.
It sold more than 800,000 copies on newsstands in 2013,
reportedly more than ten times
what a regular issue of "Sports Illustrated" sold.
Which raises the question, why?
Sure, at one point, it was tantalizing to receive
a once annual printed magazine of scantily clad women.
But do people not understand they could now just type
"naked ladies" into the Internet
and see what Google throws at them?
Even "SI" seems to know it's losing relevance,
which may be why every year, like clockwork,
they provoke an attention-grabbing controversy.
Whether it's using other countries' citizens as props...
Woman: Some are calling them, at best, culturally insensitive.
Announcer: ...objectifying women with an actual object...
Woman: Barbie. Yes, Barbie, is on the cover of the swimsuit issue,
and, as you can imagine, there is outrage.
Announcer: ...or this year, baiting the media with this bullshit.
Woman: Some are questioning whether the cover is too lewd.
Is it too risqué? When the line goes this far, what's left?
Announcer: The vagina.
The vagina is what's left.
And one of these years, in an act of desperation,
"SI" will probably put one on the cover.
And until that time, it's left to the rest of us to ask ourselves,
the "Sports Illustrated" swimsuit issue:
how is this still a thing?
(crowd cheering) Moving on. Moving on.
Our main story tonight is tobacco.
It used to be a cornerstone of American life.
It was how we knew sex was over before the female orgasm was invented.
Even if you didn't smoke, you could not escape those who did.
Cigarettes were in the hands of trusted newsmen,
beloved cartoon characters, and cowboys in TV commercials.
Announcer: You've had your supper and coffee.
The horses are settling down.
You settle back, you start to think about Saturday night in town.
Come to where the flavor is.
Come to Marlboro Country.
That, of course, is the iconic Marlboro Man.
As synonymous with ruggedness and freedom
as he was with dying from smoking-related diseases.
Because, and this is true, that's what happened
to at least four of the actors who played him.
Four dead actors.
It's like if there was a gas leak on "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Why did you have to "yes, and" each other?
Why?
Look, you can admit, it is weird seeing those cigarette ads now,
and that's because for the past half century,
America has steadily limited how tobacco companies are able to behave.
We've put warning labels on packaging and banned cigarette ads from TV.
All while tobacco executives defended themselves against hard public health questions.
It's true that babies born from women who smoke are smaller,
but they're just as healthy as the babies born
from women who do not smoke.
Man: What about the higher rate-- And some women would prefer
having smaller babies. Yeah.
Oh, you heard him, pregnant ladies. Enough cigarettes,
and you're pretty much just shooting out Lego babies.
They-- they fit in Star Wars toys. Who wouldn't want that?
That's adorable.
By the late '90s, the regulations were such
that tobacco companies here voluntarily retired
not just the Marlboro Man, but also Joe Camel,
who people had ridiculously accused of being targeted at children
just because he was an adorable cartoon camel who dressed like the Fonz and smoked.
All these restrictions helped lower smoking rates in the U.S.
from about 43 percent in 1965 to 18 percent today,
which you would assume would decimate the American tobacco industry,
which is what makes this clip from 2008 so surprising.
Newscaster: Tobacco is what you might call smoking hot.
Is this the best time ever to be a tobacco farmer? Probably the most profitable.
Wow. So it's an aging product that's decreasing in popularity
and yet, somehow, it just can't stop making money.
It's basically the agricultural equivalent of U2.
Now-- now, one of the reasons-- one of the reasons for this
might be that while Americans are smoking less,
in some parts of the world people are smoking more,
to an occasionally shocking extent.
You might remember this viral video.
Newscaster: Video of this two-year-old boy.
He's just puffing away on a cigarette in Indonesia, and it's gone completely viral.
The mom says he is totally addicted and if he doesn't get the smokes,
he gets angry, starts banging his head on the wall.
Yeah, of course he gets mad when you take away his smokes.
He thinks they're gone.
He doesn't have object permanence yet.
The smoking baby was such a media sensation,
news crews from across the world attempted to find him.
Male newscaster: Just across this bridge lies the small fishing village
that is home to the smoking baby.
Female newscaster: We briefly caught up with Aldi and his mother, Diana,
at the airport, flanked by a local TV crew.
Are you Aldi? Hi.
I'm Dan. How you doing, little dude?
Holy shit! Just look at that kid! He's his own Rat Pack.
All he's missing is three other kids dressed like him and a casino.
And-- and this is where this story gets really interesting,
because that baby's favorite brand of cigarettes was A Mild,
which is owned by Philip Morris International,
the company that sells Philip Morris brands everywhere but America.
They, like other multinational companies, have flocked to Indonesia,
a market where two-thirds of adult males smoke,
and there are very few restrictions,
and I do mean very few.
Man: This really brings home the point.
This is the entrance to a school.
And come with me. Just a few steps away from the entrance,
there is this kiosk that is sponsored by Marlboro Lights,
and at this kiosk, a student can come and buy an individual cigarette.
They're only a dime a piece and they even have a lighter on a string.
Yeah, well, of course the lighter's on a string.
What kind of irresponsible cigarette vendor outside a school
would let a child walk away with a lighter? They're dangerous.
Think about it. Just think about that.
And look, Indonesia is far from the only country where
Philip Morris International, or PMI, has expanded.
They own seven of the world's
top 15 international brands, including Marlboro.
And recently, Marlboro has boosted its global market share,
thanks for its worldwide
"Don't be a maybe, be Marlboro" campaign.
And if you're thinking, "What the fuck does 'don't be a maybe' mean?"
please let this video by the people responsible for the campaign explain it to you.
Narrator: As a brand, Marlboro was not resonating with adult smokers,
even though its values of freedom, authenticity and master of destiny were.
Smokers missed the "essence of the cowboy,"
which led us to our opportunity.
Eliminate the word "maybe" from our smokers' vocabulary
to become the catalyst that inspires smokers from just thinking about life
to taking the lead in their life.
To live the Marlboro values.
To be true, bold, and forever forward.
That is a pile of horse shit.
Even-- Think about it. (crowd cheering)
Just think about this.
Even Don Draper looks at that ad and goes, "Pull it back a little bit.
"These are cigarettes we're talking about, not Jesus."
Now, countries can try to counteract the influence of that kind of marketing,
but if tobacco companies feel too threatened, they'll put them through legal hell.
Let me take you on a world tour
of how they attack laws intended to protect public health,
because it's kind of amazing. Let's start in Australia.
In 2011, they passed a plain packaging law, And what that means is this.
Cigarettes come in packaging like this.
Pretty drab coloring, messaging the Australian government writes,
pictures it chooses, the brand name there really relegated to the bottom.
Australia's plain packaging law bans tobacco company branding from packaging
and replaced it with upsetting photos, such as the toe tag on a corpse,
the cancerous mouth, the nightmarish eyeball, or the diseased lung.
Now-- yes. I'm pretty sure I would find a healthy lung disgusting,
but-- but that thing does look
like you're trying to breathe through baked ziti.
So just take that down, just take it down.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, since this law was implemented,
total consumption of tobacco and cigarettes in Australia
fell to record lows.
And nightmares about eyeballs have risen to record highs.
Take it down! Take down the demon eye!
To get these laws, though, Australia's had to run a gamut of lawsuits.
First, two tobacco companies sued Australia in its highest court to stop them.
The result was a little surprising,
as Australia's attorney general let everyone know.
I'm delighted to be able to say that we have won that legal action.
And, just as some icing on the cake,
it seems that the big tobacco companies will also be required to pay the government's cost.
Yes! Score one-- (crowd cheers)
Score one for the little guy.
Even if that little guy is the sixth largest country in the world
in terms of land mass.
And the tobacco companies didn't just lose.
The judges called their case
"delusive, unreal and synthetic,"
and said it had fatal defects.
Which sounds a little like the early reviews
of NBC's "The Slap."
What-- what is this thing?
How long am I supposed to watch it for?
Which one is the slap?
But Australia's legal troubles were just beginning,
because then Philip Morris Asia got involved.
The company is threatening to take the Australian government to an international court
and says that removing brands from cigarette packs
will lower the value of its trademark and intellectual property.
That's right, a company was able to sue a country
over a public health measure through an international court.
How the fuck is that possible? Well, it's really a simple explanation.
They did it by digging up a 1993 trade agreement between Australia and Hong Kong,
which had a provision that Australia couldn't seize Hong Kong-based companies' property.
So nine months before the lawsuit started,
PMI put its Australian business in the hands
of its Hong Kong-based Philip Morris Asia division,
and then they sued, claiming that the seized property in question
were the trademarks on their cigarette packages.
And you've got to give it to them, that's impressive.
Someone should really give those lawyers a pat on the back,
and a punch in the face, but a pat on the back first.
Pat then punch. Pat, punch.
They need a pat, punch.
Little pat, big punch. That's what they need.
But wait, there is more here, because you will never guess
who else is coming after Australia.
Female newscaster: Three governments, Honduras, the Dominican Republic,
and Ukraine have filed complaints with the World Trade Organization
against Australia's plain packaging laws.
That's right, Ukraine is charging Australia with hurting its tobacco exports,
something which was a bit of a surprise
to a Ukrainian member of Parliament.
When I first read about the position of the government,
uh, it seems to be a joke.
'Cause we have zero trade exchange between Australia
and Ukraine of any tobacco goods.
Zero trade! Zero!
So Ukraine is inserting themselves into something they have nothing to do with.
They're taking the Kanye West approach to international trade disputes.
It's-- they're just-- just wiggling in there.
The truth is, as you have probably guessed by now,
tobacco companies have encouraged these suits,
even covering some of the legal costs,
meaning the tobacco industry is treating Ukraine
like a stage parent treats a child in a beauty pageant.
Oh, no, no, Brandy wants to do it!
Yes, I paid for her outfit, and I pushed her onto the stage.
but this was all her idea, and I swear to god, Brandy,
if you drop that flaming baton, you are fucking walking home.
You walk home, Brandy.
And tobacco companies
aren't just going after big countries like Australia.
Male newscaster: Philip Morris has also launched a legal challenge
against the small South American country of Uruguay
for damaging its business prospects.
Uruguay has a population of just three and a half million people,
and is a relatively tiny cigarette market.
That's right, Philip Morris International is currently suing Uruguay.
A country that you think about so little
that you didn't even notice that that's not Uruguay. This is Uruguay.
Now, the background here... (crowd cheers)
Nine years ago, Uruguay started introducing
increasingly larger health warnings.
Smoking rates dropped, and Uruguayans liked the laws
with 68 percent of smokers
saying that they should be stronger.
But just because they wanted it,
hasn't stopped PMI from suing them
for the past five years.
And that's a lot for a small country to take on.
Luckily, they have had help.
(man speaking Spanish) Translator: Uruguay has received
the support of the World Health Organization
and the Pan American Health Organization,
as well as the mayor of New York City, Michael Bloomberg,
who donated $500,000 for payment of attorneys' fees.
The legal fees were getting so expensive
they had to take money from Michael Bloomberg.
On the scale of how shitty that has got to feel,
it's just barely higher than borrowing money
from your ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend's step-dad.
And-- and if forcing Uruguay to do that was not bad enough,
let me tell you what Philip Morris International has done to Togo.
Togo is one of the ten poorest countries on Earth,
and they recently unveiled some new tobacco laws.
(woman speaking French) Translator: Togo is setting conditions
on the sale of tobacco.
Starting on September 1st, 2014,
packs of cigarettes sold in Togo must bear warnings in French,
Ewe, and Kabiyé about the health risk associated
with the consumption of tobacco.
Now, at first, written warnings sound great.
Until you learn that 40 percent of the adult population of Togo is illiterate,
which is why some members of the Togolese government
wanted something more like Australia's ziti lung packaging.
Take it down, take it down. It's still disgusting.
But when they got wind of this, Philip Morris International,
a company with annual net revenues of $80 billion,
basically threatened to sue Togo,
whose entire GDP is 4.3 billion.
And when your GDP is only a couple of billion more
than the box office of Avatar,
a protracted legal case is not really what you need.
Now, we actually reached out to Togo and asked to see
their correspondence with the tobacco companies.
And they gave us this letter from PMI.
We had to translate it from French,
but it was worth it, because this thing is almost comically appalling.
It informs Togo that plain packaging laws would result in,
"an incalculable amount
"of international trade litigation,"
suggesting Togo would lose any legal challenge
by citing, among other things,
an Australian High Court decision which they write,
"concluded that plain packaging constitutes
"a substantial privation of property rights."
Now, the court case they're referring to
is the one from earlier.
You remember, the one tobacco companies lost
so badly they had to cover the court costs.
And yet, they quote the one judge
in that case who ruled in favor of tobacco,
ignoring the other six who called their case, if you remember,
"delusive, unreal, and synthetic,"
and saying it had "fatal defects."
That's like when a shitty movie
engineers a good review out of a bad one, like,
"Mortdecai is a pile of... great."
Th-- this letter is bullshit.
And yet, Togo, justifiably terrified
by threats of billion dollar settlements,
backed down from a public health law that many people wanted.
And it's not just Togo.
British American Tobacco sent a similar letter to Namibia,
and one of their subsidiaries sent one to the Solomon Islands,
a country with a population of 600,000.
At this point, it's safe to say,
if you live in an apartment with at least two other people,
and you ask one of them to please smoke outside,
you can look forward to a letter from a tobacco company very soon.
And look, I could get angry and I could call tobacco companies assholes,
or monsters, or open sores on Satan's dick,
but instead-- instead, let's rise above it and let's try and broker peace,
because it's clear what each side wants.
Countries want to warn their citizens
about the health dangers of smoking tobacco.
Um, tobacco companies want to be able to present branded images
that they've spent time and money to cultivate.
So may I suggest a compromise.
I present to you the new face of Marlboro,
Jeff the Diseased Lung in a Cowboy Hat.
We are offering Jeff to you, Philip Morris International, to use as you wish.
Put him on your billboards, put him on some ads.
In fact, and don't be mad,
we've... we've already started doing that for you.
This is an actual billboard that we have put up in Uruguay
of Jeff the Diseased Lung. (crowd cheering)
That... that is in Montevideo right now.
And people seem to like it there, because of course they like it!
Of course they like it! Everyone loves
Jeff the Diseased Lung in a Cowboy Hat.
Oh, one more thing.
Um, to be completely honest, we didn't just do it in Uruguay,
Um, because we also, and don't be mad,
we made some Jeff branded t-shirts
and we shipped them to Togo yesterday,
where they've been quite a hit.
And if you don't believe me, check this out.
(all cheering) Jeff! (audience cheering)
Marlboro, Jeff's already out there.
You just need to claim him. Our lawyers, unlike yours, will not sue.
And... and I know our viewers would love to help you get the message out there.
In fact, you can tweet about Jeff using the hashtag "Jeffwecan"
to get him trending worldwide and get PMI's attention.
Post Jeff's photo on Google Plus and tag him "Marlboro,"
which might push him to the top
of Marlboro's Google image search.
We can do this, everyone. Don't be a maybe about this.
In fact... in fact... (crowd cheering)
who here would like to meet Jeff?
Let's bring Jeff out! Come on, Jeff!
(Western music plays) It's Jeff!
It's Jeff, everyone!
It's Jeff the Diseased Lung! Look at him, Marlboro!
He's not a maybe.
He's not a maybe because he's definitely suffering from emphysema.
Aren't you, Jeff? (wheezing, coughing)
Classic Jeff. And guess what, PMI?
Even though, and I cannot stress this enough,
you do not market to children,
kids love Jeff too. Don't you, kids?
What do you say, Marlboro? Let's make Jeff happen.
(kids shouting) That's our show!
See you next week! Good night!
Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!
(all shouting) Jeff! Jeff! Jeff!
(upbeat music plays) (kids shouting)